Become the hero you were meant to be.

About the Movement

“Each of us is a divine child, a hero or heroine, a leader, and a healer in exile.”

John Bradshaw

The movies we love tell the stories of ordinary people who overcome great adversity to become heroes. The journey of every hero follows a predictable pattern. First there is the mundane and a desire for more meaning in life. Then there is often a tragedy and the experience of some kind of loss. Next there is a brave voyage away from home, which is followed by some kind of war between good and evil. And finally there is a climactic return to home after having restored things to a new and better way. In a way, we are all homesick knowing we were created for something bigger, something more fulfilling.¹

• Simba leaves the pride land following the death of his father and wrestles with questions about purpose and identity before returning home to take his rightful place as king.

• Diana, princess of the Amazons, leaves her home island paradise to fight the war of all wars and discover her true destiny as Wonder Woman.

• Neo leaves the real world questioning whether there is something more to life and steps into the matrix where he becomes the chosen one to restore order to all dimensions.

In a way, we are all homesick knowing we were created for something bigger, something more fulfilling.

Movies like these resonate because we all take the same journey. We all have become someone we are not, and we are all on a journey to discover our true purpose and identity. We are all meant to become heroes.

The Wound

Unfortunately, the primary and unavoidable theme in every story is a wounding. As Dan Allender reminds us, we have all been exiled from Eden. We have all grown up in a world filled with trauma and heartache. As Michael John Cusick puts it, we experience wounds of omission (what should have been provided to us but wasn’t) and wounds of commission (what happened to us that shouldn’t have happened to us). It is this wounding that creates the conditions for shame, hiding, depression, narcissism, addiction, codependence, self-sabotage, and more, keeping us from experiencing the love, freedom, and wholeness we desire.²

Because of the wounding, we learn to create identities and ways of interacting with the world in an attempt to avoid further pain. The biblical narrative is the use of fig leaves to protect ourselves from shame. We try to restore goodness on our own terms but ultimately fail. We develop an inauthentic “false self” that accomplishes an artificial and temporary peace. Some examples include:

• We buy stuff to make us feel happy;

• We create and maintain an image to impress others;

• We become addicted to substances, food, or activities to repress our pain;

• We work long hours seeking validation from our boss, parents, and others;

• We overspiritualize things to bypass facing our feelings and pain or to project an image of superiority;

• We please people and ignore our own needs in the process;

• We seek control and power at the expense of others; and

• We use proving and perfectionism as armor to protect ourselves from experiencing our feelings or being rejected by others.

The great irony is that our wounds bring forth a sacred stage, a necessary suffering to discover who we really are.

The great irony is that our wounds bring forth a sacred stage, a necessary suffering to discover who we really are. Jesus calls it, “losing your life to find it.” God uses the wound to tear down the fig leaves and restore us to our most authentic and beautiful selves, not as a demand, but as a grace-based invitation. The addict is found out, which is the great blessing we thought was a sure curse, and we are afforded the opportunity to grieve and join others on the path of healing and redemption. It is the realization of our wounds and our unsuccessful attempts to cope that leads us on an exploration of our upbringing and the unresolved pains and deepest fears underneath the surface of our lives.

Only through safe communities, spirituality, and insights from books, therapists, and mentors do we begin to listen to the messages that our wounds have engrained in us and begin to address the shame and hiding and ego defenses that keep us from experiencing life to the fullest. Only by being fully seen and fully known can we be fully loved and rescued from the wounds that hold us captive.³ To that end, the healing journey can be summarized in six steps.

The Healing Journey

1.) Discover the root issues behind your struggle and the current conditions that keep you stuck;

2.) Recognize how your addiction is a poor substitute for your good and God-given emotional longings;

3.) Accept your brokenness and humanity while resisting the message of shame;

4.) Learn to embrace your true self and to enjoy being delighted in by God and others;

5.) Practice the way of caring for your soul and fulfilling your needs through healthy means; and

6.) Become a hero by sharing your heart and journey with others who need your help.

What is a Healing Hero?

In every epic tale, there is a hero behind the hero.⁴ Who is Frodo without Gandalf? Who is Luke Skywalker without Yoda? Who is Harry Potter without Professor Dumbledore?

The true hero of the story is the elder who has excavated the terrain of their own story of suffering and transformation. The healing hero is the sage who, having embarked on their own recovery journey, can guide others in the way of wholeness. They are shame destroyers, providing compassion and connection in the midst of vulnerable storytelling. They look you in the eye and say, “I’m here with you. I get it.” They chart the way, not always knowing what to do, but fully knowing who they are and how to hold pain alongside others.

The healing hero is the sage who, having embarked on their own recovery journey, can guide others in the way of wholeness.

Having experienced what it’s like to be an orphan, or a stranger, or a widow, they can grieve with us, provide a healing presence, and speak truth to the ways trauma and evil have impacted us.⁵ The healing hero illuminates the redemptive arc of God, for out of their own stories of shame and heartache is birthed a new chapter of goodness and glory.

This is the great culmination of the healing journey: the realization that you have been rescued, and now you get to do the rescuing. As you experience healing, you can help others and guide them toward tasting the freedom you once thought was impossible. Your wounds are now scars that hold stories of redemption that encourage the hopeless and the hurting.

The great calling of the healing hero is to make known something about God that is uniquely tied to their own stories of tragedy and transformation. The particularities of the hero’s traumas, when fully redeemed, though tragic, shaped them into who they were meant to be, for they can now offer healing to those who suffer like they suffered. From their newfound place of wholeness and freedom, they mirror the compassionate face of God as they reach for those who now carry the heavy weight of shame and hopelessness. The place that once held their greatest shame now holds their greatest gift, for they now know how to offer compassion, connection, and love for themselves and others.

As we come toward this redeemed chapter of our epic tale, we arrive back where we started – at home – but we begin to actually know the place for the first time. We see with new eyes. We have a grounded sense that we are human beings with limitations, and we delight in who we are. We hold a contemplative balance of monastic living and missional living, always giving out of who we are becoming. The beatitudes steer our lives more than the commandments.⁶ We give ourselves permission to feel, and to play without shame. We can taste empathy for the first time – attuning to others with a better understanding of our shared humanity. We walk with compassion and forgiveness as our compass. We become heroes – not because we fix, but because we feel. As heroes, we offer an empathetic, non-judgemental presence, and a hope for a life more grand than the fig-leaf-life.

The great culmination of the journey is the realization that you have been rescued, and now you get to do the rescuing.

On Sexuality

On sexuality specifically, the assault on the heart of man has its roots at the end of Genesis 2 and the beginning of Genesis 3 as evil corrupts nakedness and intimacy with shame, but more specifically, sexual shame. Our society’s silence, secrets, and stigmas concerning sexuality have convinced the sexually hurting that they are unworthy to be crowned as heroes. May we never forget that Jesus entrusted his inaugural message of salvation to the woman at the well – a redeemed sexual outcast.⁷ Jesus is purposeful in using sexual brokenness as a vehicle to change the world. Why is God so compassionate to the sexually hurting? Because He knows that behind their addiction they are ultimately longing for Him, the true bridegroom who perfectly fulfills intimacy, love, and acceptance.

Jesus is purposeful in using sexual brokenness as a vehicle to change the world.

There is a hope, grace, and calling distinct and uniquely divine for those who have known the torment of sexual struggle and have tasted the gift of compassion and redemption from an unashamed God. As they heal, make amends, restore relationships, and practice a new rule of life grounded in integrity, love, belonging, and empathy, they become heroes. Indeed, they are special heroes. They are needed heroes.

May these books nurture your soul, heal your wounds, free you from addiction, and empower you to become the hero you were meant to be.

Footnotes

1. Joseph Campbell’s Hero of a Thousand Faces
2. Much of my inspiration, thinking, and terminology is pulled from Dan Allender. See the Allender’s theory.
3. Curt Thompson’s work on Being Known and interpersonal neurobiology
4. Chris Bruno’s Sage
5. Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel’s work on archetypes on Redeeming Heartache
6. Richard Rohr’s Falling Upward
7. John Michael Cusick’s Surfing for God